Beauty and the beast
by Planetar
Summary: Every soldier bears scars. Some are just more visible than others.


**A/N: **I wanted to do some exploration of how renegade Shepard feels about those Cerberus scars. You're never given the chance to say anything about them in the game, never discuss on them... nothing. They are pretty much cosmetic only. And what can I say, I like exploring the feelings of my protagonist a little deeper than that.

For those who care... I'm still working on MAT. It's actually coming along pretty nicely. But I needed a break from it and thus, this came into existence.

As always, thanks to Yestare70 for all the help.

* * *

Cold.

That was the one feeling dominant right now. It had been for some time.

Knowing Shepard has brought many things into her life. Love, passion, acceptance... but also bitterness, hatred... and the all prevailing coldness.

For all that the commander carried within her, for all her fire that drove her forward in battle, Liara always felt there was another facet to her lover.

Or maybe... maybe that was coming from within her own soul? If she inspected her innermost feelings... could she deny them?

Once again, she was standing on the precipice of the chasm. And once again, she missed catching the hand of the woman she loved more than anything else in the galaxy by the tiniest of slivers.

She fell... and for all her might, there was nothing Liara could do.

Falling to her knees, the sob escaped unbidden from her throat.

* * *

In the waking world, Liara jumped up from her supine position. Tears were still flowing from her eyes.

A dream. She had nightmares, again. And yet, there was so much truth to be had in them...

Goddess help her, but she was scared. Not for herself. Never that.

The cold was there again. But this time, it was easy to determine why.

Shepard wasn't next to her.

After only a moment of confusion, she located her lover easily.

The angry red light, coming from Shepard's skin was standing in stark contrast to the cold blue of the aquarium in front of which the woman stood.

Liara was once again left breathless to the scene in front of her.

The lean musculature of the commander's arms and legs, the expanse of her back in all their naked glory, crossed by the angry red veins of Cerberus's implants... it was as scary as it was beautiful.

And she was the only person in the galaxy privy to the view. Truly, she was blessed.

She was wretched from her musing by the heavy sigh coming from Shepard. One of pure sufferance.

She would say her heart went out to the woman, but it had been with her for the longest time now. Still, she couldn't simply watch it anymore.

Raising up and stepping to her lover on graceful feet, she entwined her hands around Shepard's waist softly, before leaning on her shoulder.

"Having trouble sleeping?"

If Shepard was shocked or surprised by the sudden invasion of her privacy, she did a hell of a job hiding it. And when her hands found those of the asari and their fingers entwined, that was all that mattered.

"Just... thinking."

"Mmmm... anything specific?"

"Oh, you know... why would somebody as beautiful as you love a monster like me."

The bitterness in Shepard's voice broke Liara's heart. The assumption of the statement made her sad.

"Tabi... you're not a monster."

"Really?"

Turning around slowly, the two were soon facing each other, with Shepard's eyes of deep red reflecting in calming pools of cerulean. The web of angry red scars was the most prominent on Shepard's otherwise pretty face, standing in stark contrast with her ebony skin.

Liara imagined that, to somebody unknown, the face in front of her might have seem scary. But to her, those eyes held nothing but sadness right now. Which in turn saddened her, since what she usually saw in them was love and determination.

"How can you look at a face like this and tell me I'm anything **but **a monster?"

She sighed.

"I can see the look in Garrus's eyes when we're talking. I can sense Vega's hesitation when he looks at me. Samara would have killed me, were the fate of the galaxy not at state. I hear the whispers of the passer-byes on the Citadel. They think I don't notice the sideways glances they throw at me. They think..."

Her shoulders slumped.

"Shepard..."

She brought her hand to Shepard's cheek, touching it every so lightly. She knew if this was somebody else, her fingers would already have been snapped. It was amazing how such a single privilege could bring her so much elation still.

She remembered that day on Illium when the doors to her office opened and Shepard walked in, with Miranda and an, at that time, unknown krogan behind her. It felt like a lost piece of her soul finally being returned to her and the kiss they shared after so long was like a desperate gulp of air after being held underwater for too long, brief as it may have been. She made a note of the scars on Shepard's face... but it never mattered to her.

Shepard was back.

Fingers still gliding over the skin, she smiled at her lover.

"Because I see you for what you really are."

Eyebrow, raised in skepticism.

"A murderer, hypocrite and failure?"

"No. I see before me a woman of incredible strength, one that carries upon her shoulders the weight of an entire galaxy and countless lives. It's not a burden anybody should carry, yet, she does it anyway. She stumbles and falls... but she always picks herself up and continues. She makes mistakes and yes, she fails at times. And she has scars to prove it."

Her fingers slid over Shepard's lips, silencing the protest that was starting to form.

"But despite it all, nothing stopped her so far. She has always picked herself up and continued. Despite everything thrown at her, she perseveres when everybody else would have long ago given up. And when I see those scars, I am reminded of the incredible strength and of every sacrifice she had to make."

Raising her other hand to cup the face before her, the asari gazed deep into the commander's eyes.

"I've seen your **soul**, Tabitha Shepard. You've done many things I would consider reprehensible only a few short years ago. And were it not for you and... what happened to you... after the Collectors attacked... I probably wouldn't have been where I am today."

She still found sadness overtaking her when she thought about that fateful day.

"Liara..."

Finding herself silenced by Liara's lips pressed to her own, Shepard was powerless to resist, her fears and doubts melting away as she felt all the love and understanding invested in it. When the need for air finally forced them to separate, she once again found herself facing those eyes she came to love so much. And she knew... no matter what Liara would say, it would be all right. They've been through too much together for anything else.

"But through all of it, when the entire galaxy cheered you and proclaimed you a hero, you've never seen yourself as one. For all that you have done, you've always stayed humble and never stopped asking yourself how you could do better."

Her lips quirked upwards ever so slightly.

"It is one of your more endearing, but also infuriating qualities. And it's why I love you so much, scars or no scars. It what's _inside _you that's beautiful and that's what matters to me."

The smile grew a little more radiant still.

"Not that there's anything wrong with your body, mind you."

Holding her sight only moment longer, the commander suddenly enveloped the asari in a fierce hug. While initially surprised by it, Liara quickly found herself returning it, the two bodies melding into each other. She couldn't remember when they were like this the last time, simply sharing a hug. With everything going on, it seemed like their interactions were limited to talking and encounters of carnal pleasures... not that that was unpleasant, or anything. But it felt nice to be only standing, holding to the woman dearest to her. She let her hands wander over the ravaged landscape of Shepard's back, fingers gently exploring the scars, the one left by bullets, claws and other mundane means, as well as those made by the Cerberus's implants. It may have looked like a horrible picture to an outside observant, but it only served to make Liara's heart ache again. How much has her bondmate already given to the galaxy? How much more would she be required to give, before they could finally get some rest?

The soft whisper brought her out of those dark thoughts.

"Thanks Liara."

The asari couldn't help but smile softly.

"My pleasure."


End file.
